


Who? What? When? Where? Waffles

by tsaritsas



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Grishaverse Big Bang 2020, Idiots in Love, M/M, The Good Place (TV) References, the good place AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsaritsas/pseuds/tsaritsas
Summary: Kaz Brekker wakes up in the afterlife to find out he didn’t go to hell, which makes absolutely no sense because he was not a good person when he was alive. But there’s something off about where he ended up, and he and his soulmate Inej just can’t shake the feeling that something is up…Good Place AU
Relationships: Jesper Fahey & Wylan Van Eck, Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker & Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49
Collections: Grishaverse Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

Despite what the sign wanted Kaz to believe, everything was definitely not fine. 

He had known something was up the moment he realized where he was, on a couch in an all-white room, the message “Welcome! Everything is fine” painted in green across the wall in front of him. Kaz wasn’t dumb; he knew anyone trying to rub the message in that much was trying to hide the fact that everything was not, in fact, fine. 

Despite Kaz’s knowledge of that fact, when he looked down he was pleasantly surprised to find that nothing was tying him to where he sat. Normally when he ended up in strange places and scenarios, Kaz normally was brutally awakened by a slap in the face and handcuffed to a chair. 

But the thing that startled Kaz the most was when he saw the man who opened the door had a pleasant smile on his face, as if he were a relative Kaz hadn’t seen for a few years that had arrived on a ship for a family holiday. 

Of course, Kaz showed none of the surprise he felt in his facial expression. He had seen where showing emotion could get people, and it was not anywhere he ever wanted to go. 

Kaz looked at the man in front of him, trying to learn from what he could see; red-hair streaked with grey, probably around 50 years old, pleasant expression. He clearly had enough to get by, Kaz could tell from the suit he was wearing. 

The man smiled a kind smile before asking, “Kaz? Come on in.”

Kaz stood up, reaching for his cane, later following the man through the door. The doorway led into a nice office containing a desk, a plant, and two chairs. So far, everything seemed oddly normal. As Kaz sits down, the man pulls a clipboard from his desk and introduces himself: “Hi Kaz, I’m Jan van Eck. How are you?”

_ Weirded out. _

“I’m great,” Kaz answers despite his doubt, “thank you for asking.”

Okay, that’s it. He’s not taking this bullshit anymore. 

“One question: where am I, who are you, and what’s going on?” 

The man, van Eck, takes a deep breath in and began to explain the situation to Kaz with a slightly solemn look on his face. “Right. So: you, Kaz Brekker, are dead. Your life has ended, and you are now in the next phase of your existence in the universe.”

_ Excuse me.  _

Kaz takes a moment to put everything together in his head. He died, obviously. It was bound to happen sometime. The streets of Ketterdam defeat everyone eventually. But how? Why? When?

He looks back at van Eck and answers, “Cool,” and Kaz decides he’s not going to settle for this stupid fate if he doesn’t know why he’s here in the first place. 

“I have some questions.”

Van Eck sighs. He must have anticipated this. “Thought you might,” he says, still remaining calm.

Kaz pauses for a second, knowing he probably shouldn’t want to know or remember this at all. But ignorance never got him anywhere.

“How did I die?” Kaz asked, determined not to let anything escape him. “I don’t remember.”

“Yes,” the man answers. “In cases of traumatic, embarrassing, or sudden death, we erase the memory, which can be upsetting.”  _ Oh no. This was bad. Very, very bad.  _

“Are you sure you want to hear it?” Van Eck asks, a bit apprehensive of the boy who wants to know whatever foolish way he died. Kaz paused for a moment, pondering whether or not he actually wanted to know how he had died. Surely, he shouldn’t want to know about whatever embarrassing way he had managed to kick the bucket, but he couldn’t let that information be used against him. He nodded. 

Van Eck began to explain. “You saw that the Dime Lions were starting to encroach into your claimed territory in Fifth Harbor, so you went to meet them to take back the streets. But when you arrived, you found that you were outmatched. You tried to fight, but it was no use.”

“Nobody knows that,” Kaz replied quickly, barely cutting off the explanation. “Except for you, right?” 

“No. No one except me.”

“Good,” Kaz replied in an icy tone. He looked around again. “So, was anyone right about the afterlife? The Ravkans and their saints, the Kerch and ghezen..”

“No one got it right.” Van Eck stated matter-of-factly. “Everyone was slightly correct in some aspect. Except for Sturmhond.”

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “Who’s Sturmhond?”

Van Eck rolled his eyes. “A ‘privateer’ from Ravka. One night he drank a lot of  _ kvas  _ and launched into a monologue about the afterlife. He managed to get it 92% right.”

Kaz took in his surroundings once more. It seemed quite nice here. He looked out the window to see a nice blue sky with few clouds and realized he was in a small, welcoming town. It reminded him of the stories Jordie used to tell him when he was younger. Then it clicked. 

“So does that mean I’m where I think I am?” Kaz asked Van Eck, hiding his scepticism behind a tone of wonder. 

Van Eck took a breath in before beginning to explain. “Generally speaking,” he began, “in the afterlife, there’s a good place, and there’s a bad place.” He smiled at Kaz “You’re in the good place.”

Kaz kept a neutral expression on his face as the news hit him like a train.  _ The Good Place.  _ Where good people ended up after living an honourable lifestyle of helping the poor and following the law. A place where no one like Kaz should even be told of. 

“Well, …that’s nice,” Kaz said, hoping van Eck didn’t notice the shock in his voice. 

Thankfully, the shock went unnoticed. “Sure is,” van Eck said, once again smiling at Kaz. “You’re going to have a million more questions. Everything will be answered in due time.” He gestured toward the door. For now, just come this way.”

Kaz followed van Eck towards the door and his new world, uncertain except for the fact that he knew he wasn’t supposed to be a part of it.

———

Kaz had spent the past hour on a tour of his new neighbourhood with van Eck, who had apparently designed the entire place himself. He explained how everyone in the Good Place lived in a neighbourhood of the same amount of 300 or so people. Kaz wondered if Jordie was in a neighbourhood somewhere. Hopefully, he was. Kaz kept all of these thoughts to himself, of course. Best not to ask personal questions until he felt comfortable here, and the whole situation still didn’t seem genuine yet. 

“There are a lot of waffle places around here,” Kaz noted, walking along the canals. 

“Yeah,” van Eck said, “a lot of neighbourhoods have those. People really like waffles.”

They kept on walking for another half hour while van Eck explained the criteria that made people eligible for this place, none of which Kaz seemed to fit. Soon enough, they reached a nicely sized grey row house. There was a porch in front that was home to a lovely wood table with two chairs on either side of it. It didn’t look like a bad place to spend the rest of your existence. 

Van Eck must have noticed Kaz looking at the house. “You built this,” he stated. “It came into existence because you showed up here, and it took in who you really are. Everyone gets their own perfect existence.”

“That’s amazing,” Kaz said in return, trying to sound normal despite still lacking the sense of belonging van Eck assumed he grasped. Kaz climbed the steps to the house, a slight pain shooting up his leg as he went toward the doorway. He guessed there were still some problems that would never be taken care of. 

Kaz opened the door to what would become his new home, revealing a nice living room with a black couch and a dark wooden coffee table. To the right of this living room was a kitchen with a dark red waffle maker and coffee machine set on a granite countertop, a gas stove, and a nice fridge tucked into a corner between a sink and two ovens. 

“Unlike most of the people you spent time around, you don’t have an affinity for flashy and bright colours.” Van Eck began to explain, “Your home reflects your preferences of greyscale tones with a few splashes of red here and there.”

Kaz took in his surroundings once more. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

“Your soulmate has her own place right now,” van Eck continued.

Soulmate? The concept confused Kaz, as he had never believed in anything like that. Sure people could love each other, but nothing is ever set in stone from the beginning just like that. 

“When you meet her, you can move in together if you wish. Whatever you want.”

Kaz wasn’t sure he wanted to meet a soulmate. He never thought that he was cut out for this sort of thing, but before he could bring up his concerns, there was a knock on his door. 

“Come in, Inej.” Van Eck shouted in the direction of the door, which opened to reveal a girl just about Kaz’s age. She was significantly shorter than Kaz, standing at around 5’3, and had gorgeous dark brown eyes framed by long black lashes. Her skin was medium brown, complemented by the colour of her black sweater. Her lovely dark hair was in a braid that fell over her shoulder. There was some colour in her cheeks as she smiled, keeping her lips closed, eyes sparkling in the light. 

She was the most beautiful girl Kaz had ever seen, and he would never let her know that.

Inej let herself into the house, closing the door behind her before walking to meet Kaz in the living room. She paused a bit before she spoke. “Kaz? I’m Inej Ghafa,” she said, smiling again. “I’m your soulmate.”

He gave her a quick glance up and down, before curtly replying, “Good to know.” The smile disappeared from her face instantly. He wouldn’t let her get to him, not now. 

Kaz was brought back to reality as van Eck cleared his throat from behind him. “One more thing,” van Eck said matter-of-factly. “Wylan,” he called, and suddenly a figure appeared next to him. The boy looked to be about 16 or 17, with a sprinkling of freckles across his pale face. He had dull red hair that fell in curls over his forehead, with eyes that were blue like the ocean. He had a robotic sort of smile on his face like he had been told privately if he didn’t smile than bad things would happen to him. 

“Hi,” the boy said, a robotic tone to match his smile. “I’m Wylan.” Each word had sounded as if someone were pressing buttons when he had to say a different one. “How can I be of assistance?” 

“This,” van Eck continued, “is Wylan. He’s my assistant, endowed with all the knowledge of my neighbourhood. If you ever need any help, just call his name and he will be there right away.”

Inej took on an expression of astonishment when he finished the explanation. “You mean he just appears?”

“That’s right.”

Kaz felt a smirk start to form on his face. “Interesting,” he mused. This, the afterlife, would not be that bad. It would not be bad at all.

Van Eck smiled again. “Well, that’s all I have for you two now.” He strode toward the door, and when he reached it, took one look back. “One more thing,” he said. “Never ask about the bad place.” Then he closed the door behind him, leaving with nothing else. 

“Alright,” a voice suddenly piped up from below Kaz’s shoulder. He turned his head to look for where the voice had come from.  _ Inej,  _ he had realized with a heartbeat. They would probably be spending quite a lot of time together. She gestured to the couch with her hand, looking up at him with big brown eyes. “I guess we should sit down and get to know each other, shouldn’t we?”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Of all of the people Inej thought her soulmate could be, Kaz Brekker was definitely not one of them. 

She had dreamed when she was small about the life she had and would have, the one she had thought wouldn’t change. She would travel with her family throughout Ravka and they would perform acrobatic tricks, and eventually, when she got older, she would marry a respectable Suli boy whom she loved and who loved her. They would have a wedding, surrounded by family and friends, and live to grow old together. 

Inej stared at the boy sat across from her, his cane resting beside him as he studied the room around him. She examined the design at the top of it: a carving of the head of a crow, and wondered how that design had come to his head. 

He stopped looking around and met her eyes. They were the colour of dark chocolate, a shade lighter than hers, and had an air of what she thought was indignation. She asked the question anyway. 

“Why the crow’s head,” she asked. “For your cane, I mean.” 

He paused for a moment, eyes going back to scanning around the room. “Looked cool.”

Inej slouched back in her chair, crossing her arms in contempt. How was she supposed to get anywhere with this boy? He was quiet, shrouded in mystery, all black clothing and a cold stare that meant he didn’t want anything at all to do with you or anyone else. He clearly practised making it known that all he needed was himself. Yet here he was, in a room with a girl he didn’t know, whom he was supposed to love. Instead, Kaz gave her nothing but short glances and curt, cold answers. 

There had to be a conversation starter somewhere. She had to learn  _ something _ . 

“So,” Inej said, knowing she would probably regret her decision, “how did it happen?”

Kaz’s eyes focused on her again. He propped his face on his hand as his elbow came to rest on his knee. “How did what happen?” He asked as though the question offended him. 

“Your....you know,” Inej looked down at her hands. She paused, tensing her shoulders. “Death.” She murmured, so quiet she thought he may not have been able to hear it. 

His eyes suddenly widened at an alarming speed. He began to tap his fingers nervously on the top of his cane, eyes moving to once again look at the room around him as he avoided her gaze. “Firepox,” he replied, “one of many unlucky cases.” His fingers continued to tap the top of his cane. “What about you?” 

“Me? I drowned.” She smirked. “Bad day to go to the beach.”

In truth, a bad day at the beach sounded lovely in comparison as Inej remembered the cold pain of the metal that had encircled her wrists, the crash of the thunder that had sounded from nowhere, the water crashing in below deck. How no one had done anything to stop it. She remembered the excruciating pain she felt as water filling her lungs, how her chest almost felt numb when her vision began to blur and fade to black. 

“Inej?” She heard a scratchy voice say across from her. And back to reality, she snapped. Back to the monochrome house with bits of red here and there, the mysterious boy whom she was supposed to love but who didn’t want to love her back. She looked through the skylight above at the bright blue cloudless sky. It seemed almost artificial now as she thought about how she got to the place where she was now. 

“Inej,” Kaz said again, “earth to Inej.” She looked down from the skylight to find he was waving a black-gloved hand in front of her face. Her eyes flicked to look around the room, making sure she wasn’t dreaming. She yelped to find that she and Kaz were no longer alone. The boy from earlier had returned, holding in his hand a red envelope, Kaz and Inej’s names scrawled on the front in shiny gold script. Kaz reached across the table to grab the envelope from the boy’s hand. What was he called again? Something with a W? Wyatt, maybe? 

“Hi,” the boy suddenly said cheerfully, “I’m Wylan. I’ve come to inform you that you have been invited to spend an evening at the residence of Nina Zenik and Matthias Helvar. Details are provided in the invitations. Thank you.” 

And then he disappeared, exactly like he had done earlier, and Inej was almost glad. Something about his tone had unsettled her. 

“A party,” Kaz uttered with disdain, “how welcoming.” He crumpled the invitation in his gloved hand and set in on the coffee table. She should have guessed parties weren’t his kind of thing. 

Inej sighed, desperately trying to keep herself from strangling him. “Well, we should still go,” she replied sternly, picking up the invite. “We need to get acquainted with people who we will be seeing so often, after all.” 

He looked up at her again, his brown eyes suddenly taking on a mischievous glint. “Perhaps you’re right,” he mused, “we should know who we’re dealing with.” 

“Alright, what are you planning?” 

He smirked. “What do you mean?”

Inej gestured toward his smug expression. “It’s written all over your face, Kaz. You’re obviously coming up with some sort of scheme.”

“Now, what’s your thought process behind that assumption?” He was trying to hide it, but Inej could see that a grin had begun to spread. He really did deserve a smack in the face, though she didn’t know exactly for what. 

“Never mind,” she said. “Whatever, you plan on doing, we’re going to that party.” She rolled her eyes. “And you’re not wreaking  _ any _ havoc, understand? These people were nice enough to invite us before they’ve even met us, and we will not give a bad first impression.” 

“Whatever you say,” he replied, the smug expression still there. 

Inej started toward the door, unable to take any more of his bullshit for the time being. She needed to get ready. Her foot was halfway through the front doorway when she heard something from behind, turning around to see Kaz with his back to her. He cleared his throat. 

“So, I’ll pick you up at 6?” She couldn’t see his face, but his voice was softer than she had expected. 

A small smile spread across her face. “Six sounds good.”

“See you then.”

\------

Inej sat on her couch in a white dress she'd found just five minutes earlier. The clock on the wall kept ticking.

Five more minutes. She hoped he wouldn't be late. How did she get here again? A boy who hated parties, on the way to her house, taking her to a party at which he probably planned to wreak havoc. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

But the doorbell still rang. And Inej stood up in her dress, walking to the door as she contemplated what the hell she was about to do. 

The door opened to reveal Kaz in a black jacket and trousers, leaning on his crow’s head cane. He smiled at her mischievously. “Inej.”

“Kaz.”

He gestured down her front steps with a gloved hand. “Shall we go, m’darling Inej?”

“How much kvas have you drank since I left?” She raised an eyebrow at his sudden change in behavior. 

“I’ve drank nothing of that sort.” 

She crossed her arms. “You’re planning something,” she accused, “aren’t you?”

Kaz began to walk down the front steps, gesturing for her to follow. “I don't know what you mean.”

Inej rolled her eyes as they began to walk down the pavement. This wasn't Kaz, at least not his true personality. “You're making a face.”

“Of course I'm making a face. I have one all the time.”

“No,” she said. “You are scheming! I can see it.” 

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “And how do you know that?” he smirked. 

Inej smiled at Kaz, and his face changed just for a moment; the air of mischief seemed to disappear. But his scheming face was back as soon as it had gone. “Your eyes move to look at your surroundings, and your left eyebrow is raised slightly higher than your right. You smirk, though you seem to think you're hiding it. And,” she remarks, “your fingers tap the crows head of your cane.”

His face began to turn a bit pink as they walked down the sidewalk. “Don’t think yourself too clever just yet.”

\---

Inej thought that the “residence” where Nina and Matthias lived only existed in stories. Then again, this was the afterlife, so it’s not like many people in the living world lived like this anyhow. 

The gates to the front of the house had opened to reveal a large circular fountain made of shining white marble, with swans carved in it and lights that changed from blue to pink to purple and red. There were coins littered at the bottom, which Inej tried and failed to keep Kaz from taking. 

“At most, it’s going to amount to 10 kruge, Kaz. It’s not worth it.”

“Money is money, Inej. It’s still ten more than we started with.” 

_ “We?” _

What lay behind the fountain however, was 100 times more extravagant than anything Inej had ever even thought of. 

A giant mansion lay before her, towers rising at every corner. The center of the house had the circular roof of a Ravkan castle, painted with swirling patterns of red and silver. The walls were a shining white, though Inej couldn’t pinpoint which material. There were red double doors at the front, open into what looked like a ballroom, where she could see people eating and talking and laughing. 

She didn’t have to even glance to the side to know. 

“Scheming face.” 

Kaz glared at her. “Shut up.” 

“Hey, why don’t we set this argument aside and enjoy the party?” 

Inej looked in front of her to see a boy about her age, smiling and holding what looked like a waffle with syrup on it in a disposable plate. He was easily two heads taller than she was, and had stormy grey eyes that crinkled at the corners when he smiled. His skin was a few shades darker than hers, and he was dressed in a white button down and black slacks held up by red suspenders. He gave a small wave with the hand that wasn’t holding the plate. “And what might your name be?” he asked. 

“Inej,” she replied, “Inej Ghafa. And this,” she gestured next to her, “is Kaz.” Kaz gave a little wave of his hand. “And what’s yours?”

“My name is Jesper,” the boy said, sticking out his free hand, “nice to meet you.” 

“Nice to meet you too,” Inej shook his hand. “How has the party been so far?” 

“Well the food is fantastic,” Jesper exclaimed. “You have to try one of these.” He took a bite from his waffle. 

“Good to know,” Inej smiled back at him. “I think Kaz and I are going to get some drinks. Hope to see you around.”

“You too.” 

Inej turned her attention back to her soulmate, who was busy eyeing the chandelier hanging from the ceiling. “No taking the chandelier, Kaz. It’s too high up anyway. We should go get some food.” 

Kaz looked at her with disdain in eyes, his trance having been broken by her suggestion. “I was just looking,” he complained. 

Inej rolled her eyes. “I’m going to get a waffle. Do you want anything to eat?” 

“I’m doing just fine, m’darling.” 

“If you say so.” 

  
  


_ How did I end up here?  _ Inej asked herself as she poured syrup over her waffle. Soulmate was supposed to mean someone who was meant for you, understood you. And yet here she was, dealing with someone whose first thought at parties was to steal the chandelier. Wasn’t this supposed to be paradise? Or something like that. Maybe she’d been lied to and the afterlife was just a place to hang after you died where your fuck-ups didn’t have to affect the real world. She angrily took a bite out of her waffle as she contemplated her existence once more. 

At least the good place had good food. 

Suddenly, Inej heard the clanging of metal on glass. She turned around to see a young man and woman standing at the top of the staircase. The woman wore a gorgeous, flowing dress the color of rubies, the collar bedazzled with shining jewels. Her face was just as gorgeous as her dress, with apple-y cheeks covered in just the right amount of blush, gorgeous emerald-green eyes, and full lips covered in lipstick that matched her dress, her waving chocolate brown hair flowing behind her. She smiled a smile of perfect straight white teeth. The blond boy who stood beside her looked handsome as well, dressed in a tux, blue eyes sparkling under the light. 

“Hi,” the woman began, speaking in a soft Ravkan accent, “My name is Nina Zenik. The man standing beside me is Matthias Helvar. Welcome to our home, and we hope you are enjoying the party.” Nina smiled at the crowd once again. 

“Thank you for the cheers, we love having you here,” Matthias answered the crowd in a heavy Fjerdan accent. “Please remember to pick up a gift bag on your way out, and do not hesitate to ask if you need anything. Now, let the festivities continue!” He put his arm around his soulmate. 

Inej was glad to see that they were happy together, at least. Some people here were going to have it good. She took another bite out of her waffle, savouring the taste of the sweet syrup, when Kaz appeared beside her. “Well, aren’t they just a lovely couple.”

“Please don’t ruin this.” 

“I never said I was going to. It just seems a little weird how well acquainted they are for people who probably barely know each other,” he iterated, eyed them skeptically. 

“Well maybe some people make better first impressions than you do, Kaz Brekker.” 

“That may be possible,” he mused, “but first impressions are often lies anyway.” 

“Why are you so cynical?” She questioned him. “Why can’t you just enjoy this party and have a good time?” 

“Because nothing is ever as good as it seems,” he replied grimly. “Even heaven.” 

Inej glared at him as she walked toward the door. “Let’s just go,” she said, “neither of us are enjoying this anyway.” 

“I never said that.” 

“I’m not going to let you wreak havoc on this party full of happy people.” Inej grabbed a gift back at the doorway. 

“If you say so,” Kaz smirked. She resisted the urge to punch him in the arm as he grabbed three gift bags on the way out.

\---

“I’d say that went well, don’t you think?” Nina said, grabbing glasses off of the buffet table. “Nothing too crazy, but it made the guests happy.” 

“Why did we even have to throw this party anyway?” 

“Because, Matthias,” Nina replied, shoving a leftover chocolate in her mouth, “it’s a nice thing to do. And we have the resources.” 

“Oh please,” Matthias complained, “if it wasn’t for your mistake we wouldn’t have to even throw this party in the first place.”

“Well, if you hadn’t kidnapped me, we probably wouldn’t be here either, but sure, it’s my fault for being Grisha and ‘impure’ isn’t it?” 

“I never said that-”

“But it’s no secret that you meant it.” Nina shouted at him. 

“Well it’s not my fault we’re paired together-” Matthias yelled back.

“Oh so you think I asked for this, huh!” She held up her hand, cutting off his air for a second so he couldn’t talk. She released Matthias, and raised her middle finger at him as he gasped for breath. 

“That’s what I thought.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter...yay...its probably even worse than the first but just go with it

**Author's Note:**

> hehe its my gvbb fic...its not good im sorry


End file.
